Tuesday, September 28, 2004

The Terrible Thirties ??!!!!

Our children go through the terrible twos and I think we through the terrible thirties (LOL) !!!

A period of intense questioning...angst ridden...a period of quest...a period of re-invention and hopefully a period of rejuvenation (fervently hoping so !!). I often wonder why that is...perhaps a sudden realisation..that life is no longer out there..waiting to happen with choices galore..a sudden realisation that in fact its passing us by and soon will be left with no time to follow our dreams....

A gripping sense of urgency....is that true for you too ???

Often we are caught up in the hurly burly of life's responsibilities..taking care of children..husbands...extended families et all (certainly if u r indian..lol !). It doesn't matter if you are a career woman or a stay-at-home mum...rest assured we come last !!!!

I once in a heated argument with a friend (male..if that matters !) yelled , '' we women are just glorified maids during the day and whores at night !'' and he very calmly replied that, ''you women tend to trivialise YOURSELVES, and then nothing we say convinces you otherwise !''
That got me thinking....was that really true ?? Do we encourage ourselves to be martyrs and then rant and rave about it and put the collective responsibility on ''men'' and tar them all with the same colour ??

Perhaps..we are our own worst enemies...!!!
Time to say..we are verrrrrry important indeed...thirty or not..LOL !!

Monday, September 20, 2004


Have been mulling about this for a while now , wondering about whether its politically incorrect to write about it ..now thats stupid or what ! Nothing could be more politically incorrect than racism itself !..and having borne the brunt of it..am learning to take it on the chin..hey even maybe laugh at it..after all its a reflection on the practioners of this particular performing art form..not on me..or so I choose to believe..no..change that to I DO believe !

Been in this country for just over an year now , and am just learning to identify the various shades and tints of racism. Believe it or not..for such a nasty thing..its no less than a fine art for its practisioners ! Theres the obvious, in your face racist with the capital R who goes...''F*&^ the foreigners''..which I suppose could be compared to a loud obnoxious farce popular mainly its shock tactic and brutish macho appeal !..Ahhh..then it becomes a little more subtle.
It mainly takes the form of being rude in a silent manner..everybody in the line..at the supermarket gets their ''hellooo love''..and their '' thank you's'' and their ''buh-byes'' and you don't..you don't notice it for a couple of times..and then you do..and what do you notice ??...ahhh the colour of your skin in different from everybody elses in the line..your imagination ?? well not really..when you see that it happens consistently almost every time ! And now the most subtle..a fine tuned form..the one with the kindly friendly face...almost conversational ...'' Hellooo dear !(in that very special falsetto!)..where are you from ?'' and then when you eagerly think..oh here's a lovely stranger making conversation with me..you tell them all about your beautiful country..and then..wham !''Oooo doesn't that sound just lovely ! Then why don't you GO BACK !!''....now if that isn't a subtle guerilla tactic or what !! In fact earlier on I was sooooooo stupid..that I didn't even realise it for what it was..how dumb is that !

Sounds funny ?? even admiring ?? LOL..NOT when you are bearing the brunt of it..believe me ! I would be reduced to tears..but not anymore..its a reflection of an inner ugliness and its certainly not mine !!

Wednesday, September 08, 2004

The Woman.....lost.

Somewhere is she lost..
the woman..

the daughter..the wife..the mother..
the stamp of approval branded on her ass..
society approved...oh yes indeed !

where is she..where am I ???
maybe shes hiding from them ???
and then again..maybe she's hiding from herself..
that wild throbbing heart..
bloody and bleeding..
won't let her be..

Where is she..!!
where am I....

Friday, September 03, 2004

The cost of happiness....

Yesterday an incident occured, a very small incident really, but it triggered an avalanche of thoughts and philosphising in me....

The incident : I happened to come across a mum in the school grounds..she appeared to be new..and in an effort to make her feel welcome..I started chatting with her..and found out that her son happened to be in the same class as mine..and so I thought of introducing them. Well, this little fellow happened to be a very very confident young man, very chatty n lively..and before I could even introduce them..he was off towards my son..whos a..very quiet and calm and to-himself-sort. There were the two of them, the new boy chatting away and my son quietly listening ! Anybody who'd have seen them, would have thought that my son was the new boy and the other one the older one !...and...at that moment I wistfully thought to myself..if only..Anu as like that..I wouldn't worry so much......

and...instantly...I was so ashamed of myself....! And I realised how unfair I was being ! Here was my son..who's one of the most well behaved, extremely bright and creative child I know (by God's grace !)..He's hale n hearty ! What more could a parent possibly want ! WE are so lucky and we take it so much for granted. I have worked with children having special needs..beautiful little children..bless their souls..but who are challenged in some way...and I know just how hard it is for their parents..oh we are so lucky...and we can be so selfish !!!!

At the end of the day...happiness really costs nothing...just to appreciate every little thing that we have in our lives..is enough to be happy..really happy !

It costs nothing at all......

Wednesday, September 01, 2004

Horror !

Some days ago it was the two journalists taken hostage in France...
Yesterday it was the two suicide bombers on buses in Israel..
Today its terrorism at its worst ever..
Children..poor poor lil children taken hostage..a school taken hostage...
Where will it all end ??? Will it ever ??
These are acts of the lowest of low..completely immoral..scum..
One can't give in to them..but then what about the poor babies..??!!
If we give in today..tomorrow it will be worse...I agree with that...
but how do you deal with a situation like this ??
What sort of world are we living in ??
The horror of it all !

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