Empty.

Its ironical, but certainly not surprising, that after talking about being happy, invariably I should talk about being unhappy ! LOL ! Certainly the story of everybody's life. Nothing unique there, but still, write i must! How else do i purge it ???
After the horrific stress and disappointments of last 12 yrs. life suddenly seems empty, devoid of any motivation. Suddenly the self-imposed rules don't seem valid any more (maybe its my hangover doing the talkin..lol !) and the irony is that the one time in my life i was willing to break those rules, for once do something that was just for myself and myself alone (not being a wife, not a mother, not a daughter or daughter-in-law !)just ME the WOMAN with all her needs, desires and loves, it was smack bang thrown back into my face. How encouraging is that ! So where does that leave me ???
its important to talk, to tell whats in ones mind and thats exactly whats not happenin. Smokescreens are disastrous for everybody. They are not clever, just stupid, conducive to creating more n more heartaches ! I can't understand why friendships can't exist ??? Is it so difficult to write mails ?? To share problems ?? To tell whats on ones mind ?? If it is the case, then the only conclusion one can possibly derive is that the individual concerned doesn't want to ! The earlier we accept that, the better it is. Certainly for me. No use fretting is there ??! This is how it is. No pain. No happiness either. Just EMPTY. !