There is this urgent desire and the need to pare down everything in life. I do not know how best to explain that except as perhaps a return to simplicity and a call to return to what i call as THE ORIGIN.
Since having begun meditation in earnest I find myself grappling with sudden surges of electrical energy, it is intoxicating, it is orgasmic and it is at times painful. And all these experiences so much at odds at what humanity generally terms as 'Reality'. If 'Reality' is to be defined as experiential in the physical sense - then the reality of what I am experiencing cannot be doubted.
I therefore now find - that I am leading my life on different levels. There is the day-to-day life with its encumbent problems, with its inherent 'god-this-bloody-painful-life' feeling and at the same time a sudden feeling of being the observer of this feeling. Me watching myself.
The biggest battle for me is to bring that elevated feeling to mundane life. To be able to not sink into reactive mode but to be able to, at all times, to observe all negativities without being engulfed by them. Or thinking that they ARE life.
Juxtapose this sort of reality against what I experience as part of my meditation practice - the very real presence of energy, of ethereal lavender light, sometimes a chiming of distant music, of graceful mudras being performed (quite unknowingly!) and one can see - why one is compelled to question -
WHAT IS REAL?