The Window

I looked out of the window
Beyond lay the world
Streets, lamp-posts, houses
People, dogs, bins and unending roads...

It filled my vision from one
corner to the other of my eyes
All engulfing and all ecompassing
Until there was nothing more to life
than streets, lamp-posts, houses
People and unending roads...

And then when it all pressed
down upon my heart a bit too much
when the weight of mundane life
rode unending roads to no avail
I raised my eyes just a tad bit upwards...

A sudden spark of blue made itself known
The sky!
There was the open sky above
high above endless roads and frustrated lives!
I raised my eyes some more
and the blue was a jewel growing bigger, brighter....

The world receded, became ever so little
its burdens insignificant
its demands futile
its promises of pleasure
so very unimportant.....

The Sky called
to freedom from a soul less life
to rise above the mundane
to a flight full of delight
to a journey towards
Infinite Light....

Swirls and Vortexes...

The importance of living in the present moment, the here and now, has never been more apparent to me, than now! Living fully in the present means - without being burdened by the past or worrying about the future to the extent - that it prevents us from acting and actualising the present. Easier said, than done, of course! So much of our pain and distress stems from the fact, that we insist on holding on to things. Our inability to let things go are a source of great distress and pain. The only certainty in life, is the certainty of change, the inevitability of change. The sooner we accept that and experience every change with equanimity and a calmness of spirit, the better will life be.

Time is forever swirling around; A great vortex of creation and destruction and creation again and in between all these points in infinity, lies the continuum of life. But how much attention do we pay to the real meaning of life? How many of us would like to confront and contemplate on the end of our own existence and those of our near and loved ones? And is this 'end' really an end? And whether it is or isn't, it becomes imperative that we take a good look at the lives we lead. A cluttered life, where the pace is frantic, where time and space are filled with so many (artificial) needs and desires - that - those very needs and desires end up devouring us, robbing us of peace and tranquillity. A return to simplicity - that is the call I hear, that is the drum beat I yearn to dance to...

****

Orange and gold painted itself in a slow glow from the horizon, a gentle breeze blew, riffling a few leaves and they swirled around in circles before gently settling down on the earth. The mild chill of autumn is everywhere and as trees turn colours, i feel life taking on new hues. This moment complete in itself and so is life....

Eternal waves...

Such meandering a path is this life...the harder I try to walk the straight line, the harder it gets....the harder I try to not be involved, the harder it gets....perhaps I should just let be.....

One can intellectualise, to theorise, one can try and rise above emotion- but but but- we weave our own webs and then wail - I am caught! I could and can see the web I am creating around me...I can see life casting its ever increasing net of complexities around and over me...a fool enjoying her follies! The ever-expanding waves of pleasure and pain..an envitable sequence....

There I sit in the middle of those ripples and waves, trying desperately to be equally still under their dual onslaught; remembering that is the way of the wise; every act will have a consequence good or bad, that is inevitable; why then the attachment to any particular consequence? When we try to control and have an attachment to any particular consequence..we create pain....

Despite intellectually 'understanding', the challenge is in actually applying all this in life..to life..not once, not twice but always. To sink into the stillness of wisdom, to withdraw within to The Centre which is the source of all joy....

Different Dimensions...

There is this urgent desire and the need to pare down everything in life. I do not know how best to explain that except as perhaps a return to simplicity and a call to return to what i call as THE ORIGIN.

Since having begun meditation in earnest I find myself grappling with sudden surges of electrical energy, it is intoxicating, it is orgasmic and it is at times painful. And all these experiences so much at odds at what humanity generally terms as 'Reality'. If 'Reality' is to be defined as experiential in the physical sense - then the reality of what I am experiencing cannot be doubted.

I therefore now find - that I am leading my life on different levels. There is the day-to-day life with its encumbent problems, with its inherent 'god-this-bloody-painful-life' feeling and at the same time a sudden feeling of being the observer of this feeling. Me watching myself.

The biggest battle for me is to bring that elevated feeling to mundane life. To be able to not sink into reactive mode but to be able to, at all times, to observe all negativities without being engulfed by them. Or thinking that they ARE life.

Juxtapose this sort of reality against what I experience as part of my meditation practice - the very real presence of energy, of ethereal lavender light, sometimes a chiming of distant music, of graceful mudras being performed (quite unknowingly!) and one can see - why one is compelled to question -

WHAT IS REAL?

Changing landscapes

The inner map has changed; familiar corner stones of who I am as a person are no longer there - i find myself floundering. Am I a better person for the change or worse? Its a question I cannot resolve - only time will provide an answer or so I hope.

Everything is a point of view, a perspective, especially when it comes to deciding what is 'right' and 'wrong'. I have always believed in eternal truths - simple truths of honesty and goodness and compassion and humanity. What is difficult is reconciling these on a more personal level - into relationships. Then everything becomes more malleable - a shift occurs, depending on culture, religion, socio-economic status. What is unacceptable in one society becomes acceptable in another. Beliefs differ in the same society at different points in time and in different societies at the same point in history. Experiences mould us - yes - but it is also important that the kernel of truth and honesty with our own inner selves be maintained at all costs.

A 'life-event' he calls it and I cannot think of a more apt description.
HE is a life-event.
Events that cause seismic shifts, not necessarily outwardly (although that can happen), but inwardly. Where one's very philosophy is called into question. Where one discovers that one is not what one thought oneself to be. Though in this case - I believe I have grown.

The spiritual and the sexual - so intertwined, like the DNA strands, one actually feeds off the other. So often this assertion makes hackles rise as it goes against the very face of traditional 'religion' and I use the word 'religion' as opposed to 'spirituality'. But it has been my personal experience, that the spiritual often increases and contributes towards sexuality and the danger then lies in getting enamoured by this particular by-product and losing sight of the actual goal.

I have digressed - but to be honest I am not talking of this or that in particular - just following a strand of thought, talking to myself if you will. This tug of war between the sexual and spiritual is the oldest known conflict in terms of personal growth. And this conflict has led to a 'life-event'.

How do I quantify what has happened - can I and should I quantify it? Is this seismic shift measurable? What I was , what I am and what I will be - is it quantifiable? Can love ever be quantified?!